Sitting in the car in my driveway, I just made up my mind after two years of being unhappy, I want a divorce. It was 7 PM on a Sunday, and the crisp autumn air signaled that the Florida fall was about to begin. Halloween was just a little more than a week away, usually a time I looked forward to. However, this year I found myself oddly indifferent towards the holiday and all others. The joy and zest for life that I once had seemed to have faded away. Despite that, I put on a brave face and went through the motions, ensuring that my children had all the fun experiences associated with these festive occasions.
But here I sat in my car on this Sunday evening, dreading the thought of going inside my house. I had come to a painful realization – that I could no longer continue in this marriage. Deep down, I knew this decision would have a profound impact on my kids, and that tore me apart. Over the past couple of years, I had managed to stay strong, but I couldn’t help but worry that my children were starting to sense the tension.
As I reflected on the situation, it broke my heart to accept that things had come to this point. There was a time when I loved this woman so deeply, and she loved me. We were each other’s world. I still remember the excitement of receiving a text from her, and we always put our best foot forward for each other. In my younger days, I would have given my life for her. Yet now, I yearned to be as far away from her as possible.
We had once dreamt of building a family together, but here we were, facing the reality of divorce. Coming from a family that never experienced divorce, I felt lost and unsure of how to navigate this situation. Should I simply tell her? Do I need a lawyer? Or is it possible to have a conversation with her, knowing that she likely feels the same way? I felt compelled to choose the latter.
That night, as we sat in silence with the TV on and our phones in hand, we mustered the courage to talk. It was a difficult conversation, filled with moments where we wanted to blame and defend ourselves. However, I made a conscious decision not to point fingers and to remain indifferent. Our focus needed to be on respecting our children and each other. Despite our current circumstances, we understood that we still held a certain level of love for one another.
Gradually, the tension subsided, and we found ourselves with nothing more to say. Both of us were exhausted and unhappy, but we also acknowledged that our love for each other persisted. No matter what had happened, it had happened. Whether it was due to mistakes, financial disagreements, or other factors, the fact remained that at one point in time, we had genuinely loved each other. There was something special about that love, and as we embarked on the path towards divorce, I believed that focusing on that could help us find some solace and prevent things from escalating.
Together, we decided that the children would remain in the house with her and I would find a separate apartment. If you’d like to read about moving into an apartment, you can click the link provided. We agreed to break the news to our kids after school on Friday, ensuring that they would have the weekend to process and cope with the news. To learn more about that discussion, click here.